Loving a Hater.



"The feeling of judgement may be initiated by someone else, but by accepting it you collude in their lie about you."

 Matthew 7:1-5 NKJV “Judge not, that you be not judged. For what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use it, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye…? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life.  

Whatever you do, someone will judge you for it.

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it.

I have been on the receiving end of critisim and judgement the majority of the last 4 years. I have seen the worst in people. Lashing tongues, death stares, openly discussing me while I am a few feet away. 

People critized me on the lifestyle I lead and now they judge me on the new choices I am making. You can never win. But do you really need to win over the haters?

You dont.

You need to do what is best for yourself and those closest to you. The ones who have always had your back. 

We’re often faced with situations that put us in judgment’s way. Someone doesn’t like how we look, what we say or do, and it usually results in a directly expressed negative opinion or body language, or indirectly through gossip and whispers.

You might have been judged on your addiction, adultery or abuse. You might have been judged on the person you chose to marry. You might have been judged on the job you took or the car you bought. 

It can take a lifetime to learn that just because people criticize you doesn’t mean they really care about your choice to do something different. Usually, the haters simply criticize and move on. And that means that you can safely ignore them and continue doing your thing. It doesn’t matter what you do, there will always be someone who finds fault in it.

Many racing experts consider Mario Andretti to be the most successful and versatile racing driver of all-time. During his career, Andretti won the Indianapolis 500, Daytona 500, Formula One World Championship and the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb. He is one of only two drivers in history to win races in Formula One, IndyCar, World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR.

During an interview with SUCCESS magazine, Andretti was asked for his number one tip for success in race car driving. He said, “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.”

When young drivers are starting to race, this is one of the most critical lessons that they learn. When you’re driving at 200mph you need to focus on the road in front of you. If you look at the wall, then you’ll end up hitting it.

The same could be said for your life, your work, and dealing with critics.

Criticism and negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.

However, if you focus on the road in front of you and on moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby.

When someone dishes out a negative comment, use that as a signal to recommit to yourself and to refocus on the road ahead of you. Some people are determined to take things personally and tear down the life of others. Your life is too short to worry about pleasing those people.

Focus on the road, not the wall. Make the choices that are right for you. People will criticize you anyway. 

Ignore the boos, they normally come from the cheap seats. 


Credits on part of this blog to James Clear 2011



Barry Oberholzer

Born in Houston, Texas, a former professional rugby player and current CrossFit and Ironman athlete, Barry  is the founder of TerrorMate app and is a counter-terrorism and intelligence expert. Formerly Barry served as a confidential informant for Department of Homeland Security, Joint Terrorism Task Force, Belgium Customs Intelligence and HM Revenue & Customs Intelligence in the United Kingdom. 

One of his most impactful successes was in his identification of Iranian sanction busting syndicates who smuggled US manufactured aircraft and parts to Iran which led to the arrests of several prominent international businessmen. He also had numerous successes in major illicit cigarette seizures in Europe.